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Then they walked off, laughing and giving each other high-fives. The sudden stop made everyone fall arse over head, resulting in much general injury and cursing. The paint dripped from each crooked letter and ran to the floor, like raindrops down a window pane.

Mr Wanker turned slowly and looked at the two Mumper-Lumpers, who were staring at their feet and trying hard not to snigger. If looks could kill, they would have developed tuberculosis, or cirrhosis of the liver at the very least. At least you spelled it right I suppose. Behind Mr Wanker, the other Mumper-Lumper, Clive, made the internationally recognised Wanker sign at his crotch with one hand, laughing silently.

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Steve noticed and was trying hard not to laugh. The crappy sign work had been a dare, and having done it, he was owed twenty smokes and a shoulder of scotch by Clive and the rest of the boys. Doing the Wanker sign gag was a risk too because, as all the Mumper-Lumpers knew, Mr Wanker hated this, and the automatic punishment was a double whammy.

The Chocolate Room was a room where everything was made entirely out of chocolate. The little group knew this because Mr Wanker told them. As far as the eye could see, there stretched a large, grassy meadow.

It looked just like a real meadow, except everything was brown. Brown grass grew on the side of the meadow facing the little group. The grass on the other side was also brown, but somehow greener.

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Brown chocolate cows dropped brown chocolate cowpats on the brown grass. Alfie got the impression it was being sarcastic.

The cow was good at impressions. It could do Dustin Hoffman.

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Restless and chastened after a business failure, Willie appeared like a whirlwind, married her shortly afterwards and whisked her off to honeymoon in the Andes. While on the road they heard about a remote region where the mountains meet the sea, and after travelling there, they were told about a cacao farm for sale. Entranced by the jungle beauty of Hacienda El Tesoro, they spent two years living as beach-bums as they tried to finalise the purchase with the prevaricating owners, before giving up and returning to London in Neither of us had a clue.

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But returning to the UK was the most awful year of our lives. Sophia, ten, and William, eight, were born in Venezuela. Evie, five, was born in England.

Chocolate Biscuits | Chocolate Recipes | Jamie Oliver Recipes

I was really frightened. There were other problems: impassable roads, intermittent phone function, lack of medicines, poisonous spiders and snakes, and a growing lawlessness that eventually made it impossible for Tania to drive to the local town on her own for fear of kidnap. Yet she feels they only swapped inconveniences on their return to the UK in He was also buying odd, second-hand machines with a view to starting a chocolate factory in Devon.

His idea was to import his own organic beans from the farm. It was all a bit mad. Would the market really support a bar that could not be simply unwrapped and eaten? They have sailed close to the wind, twice needing to pacify bailiffs who turned up on the doorstep of their rented farmhouse.


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Willie returns to Venezuela three times a year. In Devon, he works hour days, seven days a week, returning home in the evening too exhausted to talk. Social life? How has it affected their relationship? And it is exciting. I am proud of it. The big breakthrough was the Channel 4 series.

Thank you to 1st Place Events. Thank you to everyone for lighting up gold during the special awareness video, and a special thank you to all the parents who kindly allowed us to use photo's of their Angels and Warriors to show the real faces of Childhood Cancer. Congratulations to the golden ticket winners Congratulations to this years 'Superstar Award' winners and to our young friend Morgan who received 'Alfie's Inspiration Award'which Ty and Ryan were honoured to present to him.